Classics of the Corn: A Very Brady Sequel

Last month I had the great pleasure of revisiting the 1995 film The Brady Bunch Movie, entering it into the Classics of the Corn Hall of Shame and praising the performance of Jennifer Elise Cox in particular.

Today, TMP takes a look at the follow-up to the 1995 film: A Very Brady Sequel.

We all know the story of a lovely lady, raising up three very lovely girls, and a man named Brady, with three boys of his own. But what ever happened to Carol Brady’s first husband?

We learn in this sequel-to-a-remake that Carol’s ex-husband is Roy Martin, an archaeologist… and he’s come to the happy, suburban Brady home to turn their lives upside down. But what the Bradys don’t know is that the man is actually an imposter who has come to the home to fetch a horse statue that’s worth 20 million bucks.

Arlene Sanford directs the Bradys this time around. The cast from the first film all reprise their familial roles, with Tim Matheson filling the role of the faux Roy Martin.

Also maintained in this sequel, along with the cast, is a lot of the corn from the first film. Again we’ve got the swingy-hair-walking (which I think I’ve begun subconsciously emulating), the preachy parenting, Jan’s craziness and little Thindy’s lithp. RuPaul once again appears as Jan’s counselor. Even Davy Jones makes another appearance, though only through a vintage music player that Marcia brings to the pool.

But there’s a lot more going on here than a simple war with the neighbors, as was the Brady family’s plight in The Brady Bunch Movie. This time they’re facing thievery, incest and fake boyfriends — oh my!

The film opens in an adventurous style, just two men and a treasure map hunting for riches in some jungle or another. They make the “DISCOVERY OF A LIFETIME!” when they dig up a horse statue… which now lives in the foyer of the Brady home. Roy Martin’s assistant happens to be none other than the imposter who turns up at the Brady home looking for the statue.

But this Roy Martin imposter is the least of some of the children’s worries. When Greg (rocking “funky new threads” and using tons of “hip” lingo) and Marcia both move into the attic, they begin to develop romantic feelings toward each other. Greg really gives Crazy Jan a run for her money in this one. If lovin’ Marcia is wrong, he doesn’t wanna be right. That’s even crazier than knocking over a 7-11 while wearing an afro wig!

And as for poor Jan, she’s as lonely as ever. No one signed her yearbook except for her doctors. (I feel you, Jan. Mine was only signed by teachers, haha.) Her family continues to make fun of her for her lack of social life. You had to know that the girl was going to crack at some point — and she does, making up a fake boyfriend named George “Tropicana” Glass, who thinks she’s beauuuutiful.

When the family doesn’t believe George Glass is real, she buys a life-size man doll and brings it on a “date” to the coffee shop where Marcia and Greg have brought dates of their own. Totally believable, right?

As if all of that wasn’t enough, there are even more corn-cobs to be passed around in A Very Brady Sequel:

The Brady kids solve problems by having house-of-cards competitions. Mike includes miniature potato sack racers in the backyard of his latest house design. Alice serves spaghetti spiked with magic mushrooms.

Unlicensed Jan wreaks havoc on the town when she decides to take the car out for a joy ride. Zsa Zsa Gabor and Rosie O’Donnell make cameos at a charity auction, with another cameo by Barbara Eden in full Jeannie regalia at the end of the film. Marcia and Greg try to cover up their incestuous make-out sesh by saying they were just making shadow puppets.

And who would the Bradys be without breaking into song? Once in a shopping center and once on an airplane, the kids break into perfectly-choreographed dance numbers.

A Very Brady Sequel brings just as much corn (if not a bit more) than The Brady Bunch Movie. Fellow lovers of cheese, these are the films for you. I leave you with one more thought: